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The Last Night & Day In 2020

Okay, as usual, I spend the New Year's Eve in the house, never be with my friends. Ever... Ever...

So... 2020 is waiting to end. Just less than two hours it's end and 2021 will begin. New decade almost come! 

2020 is quite a passive year for me. Okay, I know I have said it and now I said it again.

But yeah, It's it.

It's such quite saddening that mostly I spend this year with only admiring people, just be a watcher, not really try to create my own wonderful life. Which is yeah totally hard.

I, I, I, really really hope in 2021 and at new decade I could be a main role in my own life, I could have ambition to live my life. I really need that ambition, I want to be the one who knows what she really wants in life and try to embody it. 

It's really hard to figure out what I really want in life, what I want to be after failings is like realizing me that what I wanted was such a daydreaming and such irrational. I don't know.. since that happened it has made me afraid to hope and to aspire on something.

I really need ambition and energy for 2021. For the new decade.

While I'm still young and I have the time and I'm still in my youth. I really want to live my life to the fullest. I want to live my youth to the fullest. For the rest of it at least. Even though I know I have so much things to be caught up.

And I really want to be the one who really passionate about something,  passionate to make money, to have money because in this stage right now often I feel I don't really need money to upgrade my life and my family's to be more prosperous so my father don't need to work harder and work outside the region because actually now it has been my time.

And I really really hope I could be more courageous, never take a step back when I have to face challenges. I really want to be brave, more brave.

I hope I could get new friends, true friends, new circles, new collegues with whom I could be more open-minded, add my perspective to see something, and I could sharpen my brains and could convey my ideas.

I hope my relationships with my good old pals will not disappear. I could keep in touch with them.

I really want to go into practice, after all I've got in theory either from college or from books I've read. I want to earn money and earn money from flourishing my ideas.

I hope my problems with trembling-hands and my car sickness never hamper me to take a step. I hope those problems will be vanished along the time. I hope I could tackle them.


I hope.. and I really hope..


I could find a man like the one who I've dreamt, I hope, I desire. And we could be filling each other, we could love each other and understand to each other. I hope he's the one who is charismatic and taking care.

I hope..

Beyond of that, I hope I could love myself, really love myself, I could accept my weaknesses, accept who I really am. And I hope I could find the values in myself and always value myself.

I hope.

And.. I hope.. I still am given the time to make my parents and my grandparents and all the ones who always support me and believe me proud. I hope. I really love them. I really want to give even though just a little happiness to them. I love them.

Please 2021 and the new decade, be kind to me, be kind to my family. And please myself be kind to your own self and against your bad beuaviour. 

I wish for 2021 and the new decade. I hope I always could learn from 2020 and the last decade. I hope. I wish.

Please 2021 and the new decade. Please, be nice....

Finger crossed.


Dec, 31 2020

11.28 PM



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